i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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