yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
