Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize