so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
