That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
