1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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