Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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