I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
