Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
