Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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