i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
