It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
