apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
