At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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