I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
