my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
