..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
