puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
