the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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