I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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