A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize