someone get that fucking seahorse.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Someone shattered a urinal.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
