I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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