THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
