You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
