Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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