Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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