Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
