If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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