was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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