Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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