If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
