some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
