If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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