he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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