I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
