areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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