Jerry, you need to find god
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I smell stomach acid.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
