remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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