He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
