now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
