I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
