first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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