either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
