the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
