3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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