I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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