yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
and you fell through a lawn chair
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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