Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
