does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize