will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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