Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
