I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize