I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
