First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
