i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
