im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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