did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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