You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
