I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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