Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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