did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There r osticjed everywhere
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
