I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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