beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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