I bet he comes in French.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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